Bleach, Fairytales, and A LOT of Crack
by Open Casket Ceremony
Summary: Join Hitsugaya and Ichigo on a trip to a land far, far, away, full of endless gender-bending, evil rapists, perverted woodland creatures, and more. All your favorite fairy-tales, Bleached. Crack IchiHitsu.
1. Little White Riding Hood

Author's Note: Yep, this is just a little side-project that I decided to start alongside my other fics. They are mostly crack-based...Apparently, I was really sugar-high when I wrote this. So, yeah. Enjoy.

* * *

Once upon a time, far far away, in a land called Soul Society, there lived a little boy named Hitsugaya Toshiro. He lived in a place called the Seireitei, happily alongside the other soul reapers such as himself. Hitsugaya was a good, kind boy who everyone loved. He _so_ did not like to insult people when given the chance, and he _so_ was not a stubborn and cocky little brat.

One day, little Hitsugaya received a letter from the Rukongai. It was from his dearest grandmother. She had fallen ill, and so, being the wonderful little boy he was, Hitsugaya immediately decided he would visit his dear grandmother and bring her a basket full of ama-natto to enjoy.

So he loaded a basket up with ama-natto, and so he would not be seen as a taichou leaving the Seireitei, he disguised himself as a little peasant boy in a white, hooded-cloak, and thus became Little White Riding Hood.

Little White Riding Hood skipped off merrily, leaving the Seireitei quickly to go visit his ailing grandmother, basket in tow. He was very eager to see his granny, and he hoped that she would be doing well.

As he walked along on his merry way, he became distracted by what seemed like a patch full of ripe, juicy, watermelons. Feeling some strange sort of craving, he wandered off the side of the road to fetch some, though everyone knows that you're not supposed to leave the road, because every stupid little girl that does always ends up getting eaten by beasts.

So he merrily plucked some watermelons from their vines. They were probably someone else's harvest, but Little White Riding Hood didn't particularly give a shit. They were _his_ watermelons now, and whoever they had belonged to first could kiss his delicate, porcelain-skinned ass.

As he finished up raiding the watermelon patch, Little White Riding Hood suddenly became aware of the feeling that he was being watched. Now, there were a lot of perverts, pedophiles, and other shady characters about, so Little White was ready to kick anyone who dared approach him in the balls.

Out from the shadows stepped the Big Bad Foxface. He was smiling in a very gracious manner.

"Hiya there, little boy," said the Big Bad Foxface, "And what's a young little 'thang such as _you_ doin' out here, all alone?"

"Who the hell are you?" demanded Little White, who was very good and very kind and very polite, too.

"Actually, I dun' know who I'm supposed 'ta be," the Foxface explained. "I thought I was the ex-captain o' the third division, but in this fanfic, apparently, I ain't."

There was a long silence.

The Big Bad Foxface spoke again. "What's yer name, little boy?"

"I don't talk to strangers."

"I ain't a stranger."

At this, Little White supposed he _did_ have a point. After all, he _did_ seem to know him from somewhere, but he couldn't exactly put his finger on where…Apparently, Little White's prodigal brain wasn't functioning very well today.

"If you must know," he answered, "My name is Little White Riding Hood – I mean, uh, Hitsugaya Toshiro. I am going to see my grandmother, who is very sick right now. I sure hope she doesn't have genital herpes."

"Is that so?" the Foxface inquired. "Where does 'yo granny live?"

"Over yonder," explained Little White Riding Hood, "In the Rukongai."

"I see," said the Big Bad Foxface. "I'm gonna be off now." And then he ran away extremely fast with the use of shunpo. He was very suspicious. Very suspicious indeed.

"I wonder what _his_ problem is," good Little White grumbled as he picked up his basket and continued on his way. His granny was probably still ill and being the good little boy he was, he didn't want to keep her waiting.

So he walked, and walked, and walked, until he realized something.

"Screw this," Little White said in a very nice voice, "I'll just use shunpo."

And so he did, shunpo'ing off on his merry way until he finally reached his grandmother's quaint little cottage in the Rukongai. He stepped up to the door, readjusting his hood over his head, rapping on the door with his knuckles.

There was a pause.

He knocked again.

From somewhere inside the house, someone called out, "Come in!"

So he opened the door, carrying the basket full of ama-natto and newly "borrowed" watermelons. That old woman better be grateful. Those watermelons were seriously heavy and holding the basket had made him quite sore.

"Grandma, it's me," Little White Riding Hood said, "Little Whi- _Dammit!_ I meant Toshiro."

"Come closer, child," his grandmother said, who was lying down in a big fluffy bed with kinky cheetah print blankets and pillows. A pair of fluffy pink handcuffs was latched suspiciously to the bedpost.

Little White Riding Hood narrowed his eyes. Something wasn't quite right with his dearest grandmother. Maybe she really _did_ have genital herpes. Maybe it had spread through her whole body and had screwed up her face.

"Oh, grandmother, what big eyes you have," Little White said. That was kind of a stupid thing to say though. His grandmother's eyes were squeezed tightly shut.

"The better to see your naked, virginal, sexy body with," his grandmother explained.

"Oh, what big ears you have."

"The better to hear your screams for mercy with."

Little White Riding Hood blinked as his grandmother smiled toothily at him.

"Oh, what…_freaking ugly_ teeth you have. Don't you ever go to see the dentist?"

"The better to bite you and leave hickeys on your neck."

By this point, Little White was getting a little afraid and a little suspicious.

"Oh, what big hands you have."

"The better to GRAB YOUR ASS WITH!"

At these words, Little White's "grandmother" sprang from the bed, lunging at poor, defenseless Little White. Terrified, he reached for his sword whilst scrambling away. It was the Big Bad Foxface he had seen earlier in the day.

"What the hell did you do to my grandmother!?" he shrieked as he dodged away from the hands of the Big Bad Foxface.

Meanwhile, outside, a woodcutter was passing by the cottage when he heard screaming. Now, this woodcutter was named Kurosaki Ichigo, and he was a good and kind and handsome fellow who was a woodcutter, obviously…and he cut wood. And hollows' heads.

So when he heard the screams, he knew that there must be a damsel in distress inside in need of rescuing and possibly in need of his woodcutting skills.

So he hacked down the door like any good woodcutter would with a heroic shout of triumph. As the wood splintered away, he was surprised to see a beautiful young boy dressed in white being pursued by the Big Bad Foxface.

"Fear not, my dear!" Ichigo the woodcutter declared. "I will slay the beast!"

"Who the hell are you!?" the very kind and very good Little White Riding Hood demanded as he ducked under the Foxface's outstretched arms for yet another time. "Get out of my grandmother's house, you freak!"

Ichigo the woodcutter's feelings were kind of hurt.

"But you see, my dear," he explained, "I'm supposed to kill the Big Bad Wolf – I mean, Foxface, and rescue you so we can live happily every after. That's how the story goes."

"But, good sir," Little White said as he continued to scramble away from the Foxface, "This isn't the actual story. It's a fanfiction."

"Just pretend it's the real story, you little brat!" the good and kind woodcutter shrieked in frustration. And so he jumped over with his big woodcutting zanpaku-to, I mean, axe...And he charged towards the Big Bad Foxface, and in a single swing decapitated him.

The Big Bad Foxface fell over and died.

His head rolled away.

"Good job, dumbass," the very kind and very sweet Little White Riding Hood said. "Now he can't tell us where my grandmother is."

"Screw your grandmother," Ichigo the kind and noble woodcutter replied. "Let's go make hot, steamy love on your granny's bed."

"Okay," the very pure and innocent Little White agreed.

And so they closed the cottage door and locked it.

No one heard from the Woodcutter or Little White Riding Hood for a very long time.

They lived happily after.

The End.


	2. Snow White

Author's Note: Whoo. More fairy-tale goodness! Again, this is purely CRACK. With its IchiHitsu components, as well, of course.

* * *

Once upon a time, far far away, there lived a boy named Hitsugaya Toshiro. But for the purposes of this fanfic, he legally changed his name to Snow White.

Now, Snow White was the most beautiful creature ever to live. He was fair-skinned, fair-haired, and practically was fair down to his dainty little toes. All the little forest animals loved Snow White because he was good and kind and pure, and he was very lovely. Which actually made the forest animals a bunch of pervs.

Snow White's stepmother was an evil queen. The Queen's name was Aizen. Aizen was a really evil but a really glamorous queen. Every day he would look into his magic mirror and ask it pointless questions because he had no life and no one else to talk to. Plus, he needed the mirror so he could apply his hair gel properly.

One day, Queen Aizen was talking to the mirror as usual.

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, am I the sexiest guy ever to live?"

"That's not how it works," the mirror answered. "You're supposed to talk to me in rhyming sentences."

So the glamorous Queen Aizen tried again.

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the sexiest of them all?"

"My queen, you must know. It is not you; but your stepson with hair like snow."

"What the hell!?" Queen Aizen retorted. "I'm a guy, you freaking idiot."

"Nope," the mirror explained, "The author of this fanfic said you were a queen, so you're a queen."

Queen Aizen pouted and hid in an emo corner. That was when his brain finally processed what the mirror had said to him.

"Wait, magic mirror," he said, "Who's my stepson again?"

"You are so freaking retarded," the mirror said.

"That's not my fault," Queen Aizen answered, "I'm in a crack fanfiction. Of course I'm going to have the mental capacity of a goldfish. So, who is my stepson?"

"Rhymes, your majesty. If you ask me questions, you have to make them rhyme."

Frustrated and feeling the urge to smash the stupid mirror into pieces, Queen Aizen had a brief anger management moment before he finally said, "Dearest mirror, I have a question. What is the name of my snow-haired stepson?"

"That's better!" the mirror said. "Your rhyming skills are improving!"

"Just shut up and answer me!"

"Okay, okay," the mirror replied. "His name is Hitsuga- I mean, Snow White. His name is Snow White."

"Snow White, that freaking bitch!" Queen Aizen declared, sticking his fist into the air. "I cannot stand for my own stepson to be sexier than me! AIZEN MAD!" Queen Aizen was very pissed off. So he turned green and morphed into the Amazing Hulk. "Ulquiorra!" the Amazing Queen Aizen Hulk screamed in fury. "Go find my stepson immediately and kill him! Cut out his heart and bring it to me in a Mickey Mouse lunchbox!"

His servant, Ulquiorra, stared at him. "Why do you want his heart?"

"I dunno," the Amazing Hulk Queen replied sullenly. "I'm kind of hungry, I guess."

So off Ulquiorra went to do as he was told. But when he approached Snow White, he found the boy much too fair and lovely to kill.

He told Snow White, "The Queen is going to kill you, so you'd better run away while you still can."

"Oh, no!" said the lovely Snow White, "Whatever shall I do?"

"Dumbass!" Ulquiorra the servant retorted. "I just said, run away!"

So Snow White, who was very good and kind, spat in Ulquiorra's face and ran away.

This hurt Ulquiorra's feelings very much. He felt very sad. "Good-bye, cruel world," sobbed the emo servant, and he cut out his own heart and somehow put it in a box, miraculously still alive. And then he miraculously telepathically told Grmmjaw, another servant, to bring the heart to the Queen and pretend it was Snow White's.

Meanwhile, Snow White was running away in the merry woods. After a long time of running, he finally reached what appeared to be a small cottage.

It was very small.

He knocked on the door. No one answered. But Snow White didn't give a shit that he was intruding on private property, so he simply opened up the door and walked right in. There were lots of little beds inside, so he hopped into one and fell asleep right away, because he was tired from all that running.

After a while, Snow White woke up. He found himself looking at a group of small people.

"Hello," one of them said, "I'm Karin. And these are Yuzu, Jinta, Ururu, and Yachiru. We are the merry dwarves of the merry woods."

"No," the lovely and kind Snow White replied. "You're just a bunch of midgets."

"We're dwarves," they insisted.

"I'm Hitsuga- I mean, Snow White," Snow White answered. He frowned "What a rip off," he continued, "There're supposed to be seven of you. But there's only five."

"Too bad," said Yachiru. "The other two dwarves died in an unfortunate accident involving a lawnmower and a chainsaw."

Snow White blinked. He then stood up and walked out the door, muttering something about fetching water from the well.

Meanwhile, the glamorous Queen Aizen somehow learned that Snow White was still alive. He wasn't very happy at all. "Stupid Ulquiorra," he said. "I'll just go and eliminate Snow White by myself!" He cackled evily and thunder crashed in the background for dramatic emphasis.

So he loaded up a basket full of poisoned watermelons and ran off, sniggering to himself.

A while later, back in the wee cottage in the merry woods, the dwarves told Snow White, "We are going out to do some mining. Don't touch anything. You break it, you buy it." But they were actually just saying that so Snow White wouldn't meddle around and find their secret stash of porn.

So the dwarves left, leaving Snow White all alone.

Snow White was bored.

So he walked around outside and kicked some forest animals around before turning them into little furry popsicles for his personal amusement, because he was very good and kind and sweet. And all the forest animals loved him, of course.

Nearby, there was a very charming and very handsome and very good and kind prince riding his noble steed. His name was Kurosaki Ichigo, and his father was the king of a neighboring kingdom. His noble steed, who was actually another person, was named Renji. His father was just a cheapskate who didn't want to buy his son a proper horse.

Anyway, the prince was out hollow-slaying, on the back of his noble steed Renji, when he suddenly felt a very strange and abnormal gust of cold air. Seconds later, some bits of ice drifted past his face. Prince Ichigo reached out and caught one of the airborne shards. He stared at it before declaring, "This is the most beautiful shard of ice I have ever seen! It's perfect and lovely and graceful...I must meet the shinigami responsible for this! Surely, they are as lovely as this ice!"

His noble steed Renji didn't answer.

So Prince Ichigo put the piece of ice in his mouth and swallowed it.

"What the hell was that for?" asked the noble steed.

"I'm thirsty," explained Prince Ichigo. "Onward, my pretty pony! Follow this strange, icy, reiatsu!" And so they were off.

Meanwhile, Snow White was still tormenting - I mean, having a jolly time with the cute little forest animals. While he was relishing a little squirrel's squeaks of agony - I mean, delight, he suddenly heard someone coming. So Snow White turned around and looked up, to see what appeared to be a figure in a hooded cloak, holding a basket full of watermelons.

"Hello, child," said the person, "I was just wondering if you'd like a watermelon?"

Snow White frowned. "Do I know you?"

"Nope."

"Are you sure?"

"Just take a damn watermelon already!"

"My mommy said not to buy stuff from telemarketers or solicitors," Snow White retorted. "Are you selling those for Girl Scouts?"

"Screw the watermelons," said the person. He whipped off his cloak, revealing himself to be the evil and glamorous Queen Aizen. He then grabbed his zanpaku-to and stabbed poor Snow White in the stomach. Why hadn't he thought of that earlier? Come to think of it, those stupid poisoned watermelons had just been a big and stupid waste of time. So much for them.

"You bitch!" the sweet and pure Snow White screeched. "That's not fair!"

"Life isn't fair in general," shrugged Queen Aizen. He pulled his sword out of Snow White's dainty liver and ran away cackling.

Snow White fell to the floor, dead.

A couple minutes later, the dwarves returned from their mining.

"Oh, no!" Yuzu said, clasping her wee hands. "Snow White is dead!"

"Served the bitch right for calling us midgets," Jinta said.

"We should bury him at least," Ururu suggested.

"No, let's sell his body to a black market," Karin said. "Let's put him in a glass case for nows so the corpse won't start smelling like shit."

All the dwarves agreed that it was a good idea, so they hoisted poor dead Snow White up into the air and placed him inside a glass case for all to see. That way, the body wouldn't start festering before they had the chance to take it down to the black market.

Meanwhile, Prince Ichigo, who was still riding gallantly through the woods on the noble steed Renji, passed by the insanely laughing Queen, who was still holding the basket of watermelons.

"Who the hell are you?" the kind and handsome Prince Ichigo demanded.

"None of your business." The Queen took a watermelon out of the basket and offered it to the prince. "Want a watermelon?"

"HOW DARE YOU, YOU VILE BITCH!" Prince Ichigo screamed in fury. "I'M ALLERGIC TO WATERMELONS!" Infuriated, he hacked the Queen into two very glamorous halves and rode on, still eager to see the source of the beautiful ice. In other words, he was feeling horny and wanted sex. NOW.

Presently, he reached a cottage in a clearing. There was a group of dwarves, and they were all standing around a glass case. Prince Ichigo hopped off of his steed and ran right over, looking into the case, which had become frosted over with ice. So he knew immediately that it had been the boy inside that had made the ice.

"He is the most lovely creature that I have ever seen!" Prince Ichigo declared. He then blinked. "Damn," he said unhappily, because if he was dead, then they couldn't have a happy time in the bedroom.

But he didn't care. Why not just screw his dead body?

So Prince Ichigo smashed the glass case, shoving the dwarves aside before grabbing Snow White and kissing his lifeless lips.

Three seconds or so later, the lovely Snow White opened his eyes, miraculously brought back to life. He blinked, noticing that he was in the arms of a very strange young man, and he didn't like it one bit.

"RAPIST!" he screamed, kicking Prince Ichigo in the balls. "Get away from me, you fiend!" He got up, hopped out of the case, and ran away.

"Wait!" Prince Ichigo wailed. "Don't you want to get married and live happily ever after!?"

Snow White paused. That sounded like a good idea. "Okay," he said cheerfully and skipped back.

So Prince Ichigo and Snow White rode off into the sunset on the noble steed Renji and they lived happily ever after.

THE END.


	3. Cindershiro

Author's Note: I don't know what compelled me to write another story for this set. I guess I was really bored, and probably also because I want to stall the ending of _Hanging on the Edge_ just a little bit longer to keep you all on your toes. I actually started this part a long time ago, but I probably forgot about it or something because for some reason, I never decided to finish it until now. Anyway, here's _Cindershiro_, so enjoy! And remember...these stories are purely _crack_.

* * *

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, off in the countryside, there lived a man, his wife, and his lovely young son, Hitsugaya Toshiro.

They were a very happy family, until the wife became ill from a mysterious illness and suddenly died. Heartbroken, but not wanting his son to be deprived of a mother for the rest of his life, the man remarried.

Little Hitsugaya Toshiro's new step mother was a lovely but cruel person named Aizen. Aizen had two daughters - I mean sons, that were named Ichimaru Gin and Tosen Kaname. These two became Hitsugaya's stepbrothers. They were very lovely, like their mother - or father, or whatever - but they, also like Aizen, were very vain and selfish.

The father grew sick of seeing Aizen in the bedroom everyday - not a pretty sight - so one day he comitted suicide, leaving poor Hitsugaya all alone with this cruel family.

His stepbrothers mocked him and forced him to do all the chores because they were too busy doing each other's hair and nails. Because poor little Hitsugaya had to sweep the chimney so much, they called him Cindershiro.

Everyday, it was "Cindershiro, do this," and "Cindershiro, do that," and soon, the name stuck.

Henceforth, he officially became known as Cindershiro.

One day, the stepmother Aizen was checking the mail, looking through the pile, spotting community newsletters, advertisements, and a notice from the local video store that the DVD for _Hotel for Dogs_ was overdue. Aizen frowned, not wanting to admit that he secretly like watching cheesy children's movies, so he discarded the late notice.

As he continued to go through the stack, he found an invitation.

Curious, the cruel stepmother opened it and read it aloud to himself.

_Citizens of the Kingdom -  
Tonight, at six o'clock sharp, the King will be hosting a royal ball in honor of the Prince's birthday. Everyone in the kingdom is invited, including you. And yes, that includes your opressed and abused stepchildren. Yes, I am talking to you, Aizen. Anyway, the Prince will also select his future bride at tomorrow's ball so you'd better make sure you look sexy. That is all._

Aizen squealed in delight. There was nothing he loved better than a good, old-fashioned royal ball. And he just _loved_ doing a make-over with his ugly little sons, Ichimaru and Tosen. Delighted, the evil stepmother ran to inform them of the good news.

So Aizen, Ichimaru, and Tosen spent the whole afternoon trying on fancy ballgowns and shiny jewelry.

Wondering what the commotion was all about, Cindershiro kindly and politely asked, "Why the hell are you guys wearing dresses?"

"Because," Ichimaru replied haughtily while seeing if a pink or purple flower would look better in his hair, "Because there's going to be a ball at the palace tonight and everyone is invited. We have to look good for the prince."

"Can I come?" Cindershiro asked hopefully.

"No," Aizen snapped.

"But Ichimaru said that _everyone_ was invited. That includes me."

"You have chores to do," Aizen insisted, "So go do them and don't bother us. You're not allowed to go to the ball."

"Screw you guys," Cindershiro sniffled sweetly as the cruel stepmother and his ugly sons left for the palace, before fleeing to the safety of his bedroom. There, he threw himself dramatically onto his bed and proceeded to throw a hissy fit. He wanted to go the ball, and he wanted to go _now_.

As he whined, all of a sudden, he heard a voice from behind him.

"Ahem."

"Who're you!?" Cindershiro demanded angrily, turning around. There, he saw a large dragon of ice with a frilly pink tutu around its tail and a shiny pink tiara on its head, with sparkly pink fairy wings on its back.

"I'm your fairy zanpaku-to," the dragon explained, "My name is Hyorinmaru."

"I don't know you," Cindershiro snapped, "Get out of my room."

"I don't get paid to get yelled at by a little brat," Hyorinmaru answered sweetly, "I only get my paycheck when I grant the wish of the punk I get the misfortune of being stuck with. So hurry up and tell me your damn wish already."

Cindershiro instantly said, "I want to go to the royal ball."

"Then go," Hyorinmaru snorted in disgust, "It's not like your dumb stepmother locked the door or anything."

"But I don't have any pretty clothes," Cindershiro whined, "I can't go to see the prince in these rags!"

"Fine, fine, whatever," Hyorinmaru grumbled, and with a wave of the magic wand, Cindershiro's tattered apron and tattered kimono transformed into a lovely, sparkly blue dress with poofy sleeves and a poofy bottom. There was also a sparkly blue tiara in his hair now, and two shimmering glass slippers were on his dainty little feet.

"Ooh,_ Gucci_," Cindershiro observed, admiring the sparkly fabric of the ballgown, "Nice."

"Get on my damn back already," Hyorinmaru snapped in an annoyed voice, "I'll have to carry you there myself."

"What a rip-off!" the sweet and lovely Cindershiro retorted, "I thought the package included like, a coach, and pretty ponies, so on and so forth..."

"You don't have any sweet, cute little animal friends to turn into horses," Hyorinmaru explained, "And you don't have a bigass pumpkin, either, so whatever, just get on my back and let's go. But remember, when the clock strikes twelve, the transformation will end and you'll get your rags back, so you'd better get home by then."

"Not fair!" Cindershiro protested, "I don't have a curfew!"

"That's just how it works!" Hyorinmaru roared, "Are you gonna get on my damn back or not!?"

"Fine," muttered Cindershiro as he climbed on the magical fairy zanpaku-to dragon's back, and off they went. Because the dragon was very magical, they were able to reach the ball in no time.

Meanwhile, inside the palace, the Prince was getting pissed off.

Now, the prince was a handsome, noble, and gracious fellow named Kurosaki Ichigo. It was his birthday today, so in celebration, the royal ball had been proposed, and he was to pick a suitable bride there. Unfortunately, so far, he was having no luck because most of the people who turned up where pretty damn ugly. Not to mention that someone had mixed up the party arrangements, and instead of an elegant orchestra, their music was being provided by a club DJ who was happily blasting away gangster rap, to which many of the sullen prince's party guests were now freak-dancing to.

"There's no hope," the prince wailed in despair, "My birthday ball has been ruined and I will never find the right bride!"

At that moment, right on cue, the noble prince Ichigo saw a lovely boy walking down the steps, dressed in a beautiful blue gown and with the most beautiful face he had ever seen.

Prince Ichigo's mouth was agape as the boy made his way through the crowds.

"He is the most fairest maiden I have ever seen in my entire life!" Prince Ichigo enthused, ignoring the grammatical inaccuracy of his sentence, "I must meet him! And I must have him for my bride!"

He ran to the boy, elated as he took one of his dainty, gloved hands.

"What is your name, fair maiden?" the prince inquired, kissing the back of his hand in what he hoped was a noble and chivalrous gesture.

"Cindershiro," the boy answered.

"Lovely Cindershiro, may I have this dance?" Prince Ichigo asked hopefully.

Cindershiro stared at him.

"No."

"Why not!?"

"Fuck off, pervert," Cindershiro snapped, snatching his hand out of the prince's hold, "Stop trying to hit on me."

"No, no, no!" Prince Ichigo whined, stomping his very noble foot on the ground in a very noble gesture, "You've got it all wrong! You're supposed to fall in love with me, and we dance, and then after the ball is over, I search the whole kingdom for you until I find you! Then, we're supposed to get married and ride off into the sunset with cute little birds holding a 'happily ever after' sign...you know, the whole happy ending thing?"

"Screw you!" the fair and kind Cindershiro retorted, taking off one of his lovely glass slippers and throwing it at Prince Ichigo's head. "I'm leaving. This ball sucks and the music blows."

With that, he stormed off, leaving Prince Ichigo to stare longingly at his back, clutching the glass slipper.

* * *

The next day, Cindershiro awoke to the squeals of his stepmother and stepsisters - or stepbrothers, whatever you want to call them.

"The prince is coming!" Aizen announced, "He is searching the kingdom for the maiden that left behind a glass slipper at yesterday night's ball...and if the slipper fits, he will make the owner of the slipper his bride!"

Aizen pointed at Ichimaru and Tosen. "The two of you will try on the slipper!"

"Hell no," Ichimaru protested, "What if it actually fits me?"

"Yeah," Tosen agreed, "You see, I'm not really into all that yaoi stuff..."

"Try on the damn slipper, you hear me!?" Aizen screamed.

Fearfully, the two stepbrothers nodded.

At that moment, the doorbell rang, and delighted, Aizen ran to the door, pulling it open. Prince Ichigo was there, holding a glass slipper in his hand, looking at them hopefully. "Uh...try on the shoe?" he asked hopefully.

Muttering something about how his allowance better be increased, Ichimaru shuffled forward. He snatched the slipper from Prince Ichigo's grip, placing it on the floor and trying to stuff his foot into it. Needless to say his foot was way too huge, so with a scoff, he threw it to Tosen. Tosen frowned unhappily, but when he saw Aizen glaring at him, quickly also tried his best to jam his bigass foot into the slipper as well. Also needless to say, it didn't fit very well at all and he could hardly get anything past his big toe in.

"Good thing it doesn't fit either of you," Prince Ichigo announced, "Because you're both freaking ugly anyway."

Dejected that he still had not found the fair maiden from the previous night, the Prince turned to leave.

At that moment, Cindershiro ran into the room. That glass slipper had been Prada, and he'd be damned if he let the Prince get away with _his _Prada shoe. After all, nowadays, designer stuff is very expensive, and he had gotten it for free from his fairy zanpaku-to.

"That's mine!" he screeched, "Give it back to me!"

"Not until you try it on," Prince Ichigo retorted, who, for some reason, was too stupid to recognize Cindershiro as the fair maiden from the previous night that he had attempted to ask to dance.

With an annoyed huff of breath, Cindershiro grabbed the glass slipper and put it on, his foot slipping easily into it.

"Happy?" he snapped, "Now, if you don't mind, I'll be taking my slipper back now-"

"My lovely, fair Cindershiro, is that you!?" Prince Ichigo asked in amazement, his memory coming back to him now, "I have finally found you after hours of searching!" The truth was, he had actually only been searching for around ten minutes now. "Come, my beautiful Cindershiro! We will return to the palace and I shall arrange for us to be married at once!"

"Wait, no, I don't want to-"

But poor Cindershiro did not get to finish his sentence as Prince Ichigo happily tossed him into his carriage and they rode off into the sunset, to live happily ever after.

_THE END._


End file.
